Tang and the Devil

Contrary to popular believe a PET scan cannot tell whether you're a huntin dog, a wiener dog...or even a cat. A PET scan is used to detect where the cancer has spread in the soft tissue areas of your body, it is a pretty cool process. You are taken into a room and you are stabbed with a needle in the arm so they can put an IV in. You are then injected with some radioactive sugar water, I believe the radioactive sugar water is Tang that the astronauts brought from the moon. You are in a room with a lounge chair and they turn the lights off and tell you you cannot read to and try to relax and while you are at it try not to think.

While I was laying there not thinking, I decided that Hodgkins lymphoma must be caused by too little fishing and listening to just enough old-time rock 'n roll. Of all the medical articles I had read about Hodgin's lymphoma they all stated they weren't sure what caused Hodgkin's lymphoma, well problem solved.

Apparently the radioactive Space Tang goes to places where there is activity in your body, it sort of finds the hot spots. After a minimum of 75 minutes (in my case it was 87 minutes) of sitting there doing and thinking of nothing you are taken out of that room and put in a machine that is able to read the radioactive Tang. Other than 87 minutes of my life I'll never get back it  really was not a bad experience at all. It's then a game off hurry up and wait, on Monday of the following week I got a call and was told all of the cancer that could be detected was above my diaphragm.

My last and worst test was on Tuesday May 15, it was the bone marrow biopsy. For those of you that don't know this is what happens during a bone marrow biopsy they start by having an innocent looking lady come into the room, with an assistant (that also looks harmless.)  Both of these people must watch a lot of horror movies, might I add. I'm not sure what exactly they had in their torture bags, but I'm quite sure they had jackhammers, ice picks, an electric chair and some salt to sprinkle on any wounds they inflict. You see, you are forced to lay down on your stomach (I guess so you can't see these children of the devil go to work?)  The next thing you know they are sticking you with an ice pick in the hip bone, then they fire up the jack hammer and do a little road construction right into your hip bone. After you think they are finally done they stick a probe from the electric chair in your hip and crank up the power.Wow that was not a lot of fun.  It was excruciating.  I'd much rather lie around and think about not being allowed to think.